Sasuke's Reason For Living!
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: Sasuke was the avenger, but what if his goal died? Moving onto Plan B, with some help from Naruto and friends, Sasuke attempts to Revive the Uchiha Clan. SasuNaru?
1. Chapter 1

**Sasuke's Reason For Living!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Naruto, but tragically I don't and so I'm very very poor and not famous…boo hoo… -.-'**

**A/N: Alert! Crack! Crack! Bum Crack!

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Sasuke was lying in bed, snuggled up all nice and warm under his duvet. A small grin crept across his face and he hugged his weasel plushie tighter.

"Nnn…Die Itachi…" He murmured, turning over and twisting the plushie in his hands as if he was wringing a towel.

"No…I'll never…never forgive you brother…never…" He whispered, sweat beginning to bead on his brow. "Grr…No matter how many times you say your sorry…Nnn…No matter how many times you…No matter…"

Sasuke's hands, one firmly on the weasel plushie's head, the other on its tail, tugged with insatiable strength, "I hate…hate you Itachi…"

There was a loud rip and the plushie's tail came right off, followed by a flurry of stuffing, some of which managed to end up being inhaled up the Uchiha's nose.

"Atchoo!!"

Sasuke sat up and rubbed his nose irritably. He surveyed the destroyed soft toy before throwing it to the opposite wall of his lonely bedroom. The Uchiha coughed and then flung his covers back over himself.

**A Few Hours Later.**

"Hmmm…Naruto…Mmm…" Sasuke muttered once again in his deep sleep, "Yeah…like it when you wear that pair of pants…looks good on you…"

The sun had barely come up, when there was a most annoyingly loud knock-knock. Sasuke rolled over, trying to be oblivious to the sound that had disturbed his dream.

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Grr…"

KNOCKITY-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-fart-KNOCK…

"Oh for Kami's sake!" Sasuke grumbled, kicking away his covers and stubbornly making his way to his front door.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes, before opening the door to find a tall, well dressed Courier Ninja standing before him.

"Yes?" Sasuke said impatiently.

The stranger coughed, releasing a small fart in sync, to clear his throat and then he handed Sasuke a small yellow postcard. An angry vein grew at the corner of the Uchiha's forehead and his eyebrow also started to twitch. The man smiled meekly and then tipped his hat before turning to leave, a small tune of gassy sounds escaping from his behind.

The man coughed in apology and then broke into an embarrassed run down the hallway.

"You could've just posted it through the letterbox you know!" Sasuke grumbled after the annoying uncontrollable farting guy, his hand over his nose in disgust.

Sasuke slammed the door closed and then stared at the little postcard in his hand. It said:

URGENT TELEGRAM FOR THE ATTENTION OF UCHIHA SUSAN GAYLORD SASUKE.

"Grr…How many times do I have to ask people NOT to put my full name down?!" Sasuke muttered irritably, eyes scanning the rest of the message.

UCHIHA ISABELLE ITACHI PASSED AWAY TODAY AT 5.30 AM DUE TO A FREAK ACCIDENT INVOLVING A POISONOUS SUBSTANCE PLANTED WITHIN HIS FAVOURITE STRAWBERRY SUNDAE. AKATSUKI IS DEEPLY DEVASTATED AND INVITES YOU TO HIS FUNERAL AT MIDDAY AT THE SECRET AKATSUKI HIDDEN LAIR PARK.

REGARDS, AKATSUKI MEMBER. X

Sasuke blinked and reread the note several times. How could this possibly be true? He went back to his room and sat on his dishevelled bed, eyes frozen on the telegraph. His main goal in life was to kill Itachi…but now Itachi was dead. Killed by an mysterious Strawberry Sundae…

"What kind of idiot eats ice-cream at…5.30 am anyways...?" Sasuke muttered under his breath, though Itachi was finally dead, he didn't quite feel happy about it, but instead felt quite miserable and deflated.

He saw the plushie lying solemnly on the floor and went to pick it up, it already had several scars on its body from previous times where he'd torn it apart in his sleep and then guiltily sewn it back up. The Uchiha put down the letter and then found his sewing kit and began stitching the tail back onto the cuddly weasel.

When the plushie was finally fixed, appearing much like Frankenstein, Sasuke gave it a heartfelt hug and then tucked it into his bed. Sasuke showered, peed, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, waxed his legs and had breakfast, though not necessarily in that order, and then left his apartment.

"My main reason for living was to kill Itachi…" Sasuke growled frustrated, "Now what am I supposed to do..?"

"Eh?" A voice said confusedly, "What are you mumbling about Sasuke?"

Sasuke turned towards the source of the voice, "Shut up dobe."

"Teme!" Naruto hissed, as lightning flashed between their eyes.

"Hn. I'm not in the mood for dealing with you today."

Naruto amused by the lost expression on Sasuke's face, began following him anyway, "Hey teme, what's wrong with you today? Your hamster died or something?"

Sasuke ignored him and continued walking aimlessly, just to get away from the blonde guy.

"No wait…" Naruto scratched his head, speeding up to keep up with the Uchiha, "Oh! Your pet goldfish died?"

Sasuke felt an ache deep within his heart, he felt like screaming 'No Dobe! My freaking brother died! Now shut up!'

"Hmm…Oh I get it." Naruto said happily, "You're upset because your pet plant Victor died?"

Sasuke must've had ten pulsating veins on his forehead by then, but thankfully his forehead protector covered them all. He stopped mid step and spun round to face Naruto, who immediately froze as their faces were just mere inches apart.

"Victor is fine and if you don't mind, my goldfish Sally is still alive and Ham the hamster died last month…it's my brother that died okay?!"

Dumbfounded, Naruto tilted his head to one side. Sasuke stared at Naruto thoughtfully for a moment and then he cocked his head in the opposite direction and pressed his face against Naruto's.

Sasuke's lips sucked on Naruto's mouth, his tongue slid out dripping with hot saliva…

"OMIFFFCKINGOOMMMPFF!" Naruto screamed against Sasuke's face.

Sasuke suddenly pulled away, face flushing crimson, as he realised what he'd just done.

"S-Sorry." Sasuke muttered, before turning on his heels and then walking away really quickly.

It was at this precise moment, that it hit him.

THWACK!

Naruto's shoe collided with the back of Sasuke's head. Sasuke twitched and then turned to see Naruto reclaiming his shoe.

"Teme…" Naruto growled, putting his shoe back on. "What the freak was that about?!"

Sasuke ignored the dobe and continued walking, but the blonde went and stood in front of him. When Sasuke tried to get past him Naruto leapt on the other boy and pinned him to the ground.

"Get of me dobe!" Sasuke demanded.

"Not until you freaking explain yourself teme!"

Sasuke sighed and then plainly stated, "I'm gay."

Naruto sweat dropped, "Not that dumbass! I guessed that a long time ago. I meant the thing about your brother."

"Oh." Sasuke muttered awkwardly.

"Well?!"

"Itachi was poisoned by a strawberry sundae. I got a telegraph about it this morning." Sasuke turned his head to the side distractedly, "Ever since that day…ever since Itachi killed everyone, I vowed to be an avenger and kill him, but now he's dead, what the hell am I supposed to do?!"

Naruto sat up, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "Hmm…Well come on! You must have more than one goal, after all…I'm going to be Hokage AND a ramen flavour tester!"

Villagers walked past with confused looks on their faces at the sight of the two ninjas on the ground. Sasuke tried to sit up, but this proved to be difficult with Naruto sitting on top of him.

"Get off me dobe!" Sasuke growled, shoving Naruto over.

Naruto lost in his thoughts fell backwards and rolled over, until he landed flat on his back, his face under a girls long skirt.

"Arrrrrrrrgh!" The girl screamed, "Pervert!!!"

Naruto dazed and dizzy, suddenly finding the world had gone dark heard the scream, but before he could do anything he felt a foot come down on his face.

Sasuke sighed and pulled Naruto from under the girl's skirt and she stormed off, leaving numerous footprints on the blonde's face.

"Hey Naruto I just thought of something."

Naruto sat up, spat a tooth out and pounded the sore raised lumps back into his head, "Itai! What?"

Sasuke stood proud, eyes facing the blue sky as the wind played with his hair encouragingly, "As well as killing Itachi, I was also supposed to restore the Uchiha clan to its former glory."

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**TBC**

**Well…okiez, leave a review if you liked it, and bugger off if you didn't! Lol.**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sasuke's Reason For Living (2)**

**Disclaimer: I no own, and make no profit too!**

**A/N Guess….no one really liked it but Vree…and my sister but that doesn't count! Oh Vree, fanxiez! And to everyone else sob I'm hurt.**

**LOL! NEhu on with the fic!

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"Former Glory?" Naruto scratched his face confusedly, "What do you mean?"

"I…" Sasuke blushed, "…you know I'm supposed to restore the Uchiha clan."

"Oh…" Naruto felt a lightbulb ping into life above his head, "Oh! You wanna-"

"Ssh! Dobe!" Sasuke muttered, slapping a hand over Naruto's mouth, "Don't scream it out to the whole of Konoha!"

"Hmmm…Restore the Uchiha Clan eh?" Naruto smirked calculatingly, "I know exactly what you mean…"

"…"

"We could go research it before we try anything though."

"What?!" Sasuke said exasperatedly, "Why would I need to research it? I already know how it works?"

"Really Sasuke?" Naruto said, he eyes gleaming, showing how impressed he was.

"…You know too, don't you? They taught us as the academy remember???" Sasuke explained.

Naruto shrugged, "C'mon you know I never listened in class! Oh Sasuke! Sasuke! You have to show me how it works!"

Sasuke almost fell over with embarrassment at this dobe's enthusiasm to the situation, "I can't show you!"

"Why not?" Naruto protested, "You said you know everything about it."

"Well not EVERYTHING!" Sasuke grumbled, "I mean, I don't think it would work if I did it to a boy."

"WHAT?" Naruto cried impatiently, "Come on Sasuke you teme! It would be sooooo cool! And I'm sure you could do it to your Dad and your Mum and your Unc-"

"WHAT?!" Sasuke shoved Naruto onto the ground, "DON'T YOU DARE INSIST THAT I HAVE SEX WITH MY DEAD FAMILY!!! YOU SICK DOBE!!!"

Naruto flinched, "What?! What the hell are you on about teme?! Who said anything about se…se…" He couldn't even bring himself to say that word.

Sasuke released Naruto, confused as ever, "Then what the hell did you think I was talking about all this time?!"

"I dunno!" Naruto snapped, "You said 'Restore the Uchiha Clan To their Former Glory'…I thought you meant that you were gonna bring them back to life through an ancient ritual or something…like necromancy or whatever."

O.o Sasuke almost passed out in frustration, but instead he settled for sighing deeply, "Look dobe, basically what I meant was, for me to go make some Uchiha babies."

"…Oh…I see…" Naruto murmured all knowingly, "And to do that you gotta have se…uh that thing…"

"Yeah…"

"EW! Sasuke! You're only twelve!" Naruto screamed, "It's illegal to do that thing at this age!"

"Not in the village of the Sand" Some random passer-by commented, before fading out of existence.

"What?" Naruto said anxiously, wondering where the hell the creepy voice had come from.

"…" Said Sasuke.

And then they both laid eyes on Saskura who happened to be walking past with an armful of groceries.

"Sakura!" Sasuke said running over to her.

"Oh Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said excitedly

"Teme! You can't do it with her!" Naruto yelled running after him.

"Do…what?" Sakura asked confusedly.

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**TBC**

**Yeh…hmm…review pweez.**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sasuke's Reason For Living (3)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and I don't make any profit…**

**A/N: Thanx for the reviews The Damage Done, Akri 07, R.U.Grimm, Sonic Stage, Potter's Wifey! Yeh and my sista lol. Here's the next chap!

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"Do what?" Sakura said confusedly.

"Uh…" Sasuke, couldn't seem to look Sakura in the eye.

"You can't do it to Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, making Sakura and the random villagers nearby grow more curious.

"What Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked again, a slight blush forming on her cheeks.

"I…Nothing." Sasuke mumbled quietly and turning away.

"Sasuke…" Sakura began excitedly, "Were you going to ask me on a date?"

Sasuke sweatdropped immensely and shook his head, before changing his mind, wondering how he could work this to his advantage, "Um…actually, yeah."

Sakura's blush turned into a heat rash and she pinched herself to make sure she wasn't having another one of her dreams.

"Ouch!" She winced and then broke into a little fit of hysteria, "Really Sasuke? We can really go out on a date? You and me?"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched and a small depressed rain cloud appeared over his head, "…"

"Yes Sakura, I want us to go out on a date." Sasuke said coolly.

Sakura screamed in delight and then ran off to boast her ass off to Ino, shouting over her shoulder, "I'll meet you at your place, at 10!"

"Sasuke…" Naruto mumbled irritably, "I told you, you couldn't do that…that thing with Sakura-chan!"

Sasuke turned away, "Hn. I don't have to listen to everything you say."

"I thought you were gay?!"

"I am." Sasuke stated, "But to fulfil my goal I need a girl."

"That's sick Sasuke." Naruto replied, scratching his head, "Wouldn't you be better off banging up an older woman…you know someone less innocent…like…uh…"

"Shut up Naruto." Sasuke snapped, before any images of him and all the older women he could think of could be imagined 'doing it' with him.

"You could maybe uh…try uh…Kurenai sensei, she might let you since it's your goal and everything."

Sasuke shuddered and his eyebrow twitched. He pictured her unravelling her bandages, only for Asuma to rush onto the scene and thrust his knuckledusters into Sasuke's face. Ouch…

"Or…uh…" Naruto closed his eyes, deep in thought. "Maybe…that Anko lady, she's feisty, maybe you'd uh…enjoy it more?"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitch increased in speed at the thought. He pictured Anko dressed up in tight leather, a devilish smile on her face as she tied Sasuke to a door and whipped his ass till it was raw…and then she'd laugh menacingly as she'd bring out a chainsaw…

"Or…hmm…Shizune seems nice…and Ayame…or maybe not, her Dad would kill you and then not be in the mood to sell me ramen…uh…oh granny Tsunade's probably hot, she's got the big boobs and everything!" Naruto burst out laughing as he imagined Sasuke sandwiched and then being engulfed by the Hokage's chest.

"Naruto…" Sasuke's eyebrow was twitching so fast in irritation now, that it was no longer visible. He'd pictured Tsunade's giant chest becoming two large pacman-like creatures that would dive into his crotch in fury and eat away his chances of ever restoring the Uchiha Clan, all the while mumbling 'Mmm Dangos!'

"Hey, you look like Gaara!" Naruto laughed even harder at the Uchiha's mega eyebrow twitch, until Sasuke smacked him over the back of the head and sent him flying into an innocent bystander.

The bystander happened to be none other than Kakashi sensei. The jonin looked at Naruto and then smiled, "Yo."

"Itai." Naruto grumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hn…dobe." Sasuke muttered, wishing Naruto was a girl so that all his problems would be solved.

"Oh hey…." Naruto said cheerily, "Kakashi sensei, you know lots of people?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you know any older women who would want to get…uh…pregnant?" Naruto asked politely.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow as Sasuke jumped on the blonde and slapped a hand over his mouth, "Shut up dobe!"

Naruto pulled away, "Teme!"

"Um…" Kakashi said thoughtfully, "I think most kunoichi don't wanna have babies, because they wouldn't have time to look after them. But probably villagers do…why do you ask?"

"Nothing. Naruto's a weird dobe." Sasuke replied quickly.

"Teme!" Naruto struggled from beneath Sasuke, "Kakashi sensei! Sasuke wants to-"

Sasuke clapped a hand over the blonde's mouth again sweatdropping with embarrassment.

"Sasuke wants to get someone pregnant?" Kakashi said calmly, pulling out his Icha Icha book and beginning to read.

"What?!" Sasuke almost fell over in surprise at his sensei's quick conclusion.

"Yeah…he wants to make loads of Uchiha babies!" Naruto said proudly, impressed by how good his memory was today.

Sasuke blushed and then fell backwards flat on the ground and gazed longingly at the sky. So this is what Shikamaru did all the time, stare peacefully up at the fluffy clouds.

Kakashi stepped forwards and loomed over the frustrated Uchiha, "You know, you're only young Sasuke, I think you should at least wait a few years before trying to restore the Uchiha clan."

Sasuke sat up, "But that's my goal…if I don't start it now what am I supposed to do in the meantime?"

"Get a hobby." Kakashi suggested, indicating his orange book of wonder and then poofing out of existence.

"Hey Sasuke." Naruto said quietly, "You could become a ramen taster like me?"

Sasuke sighed and then thought for a moment, before standing up, "No Naruto, I've already decided what I'm going to do."

He glanced at the big Konoha clock tower (imagine that they have one of those lol, like Big Ben only ninja village style), the hands said that it was eight O clock. The date with Sakura wasn't for another two hours. He walked past a shop with a magazine rack on the front with semi naked women all over them. Then an idea came to mind.

"Ew Sasuke, you're such a pervert." Naruto muttered, thinking that Sasuke was looking at the magazine beside it showing yaoi-riffic scenes, seeing as it was a gay men's magazine.

Sasuke glanced at it and smiled, but then turned to Naruto, "Hey…you know that jutsu that you can do?"

"Huh? Yeah…" Naruto said confusedly, but nodded as if he knew what Sasuke was on about

"Well, since we got 2 hours to waste, why don't we go and do a little experiment?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"E-Experiment?" Naruto mumbled confusedly, "I thought you said it doesn't work with guy and guys?"

"We can always try." Sasuke said with a smirk.

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**Oh freaky! Dunno how I'm going to handle the next chapter…I'm so tired right now…**

**Sasuke: Naruto! Quick! I gotta make Uchiha babies now!**

**Naruto: ...**

**Pepsi Dragon: Pweez Review, and give me suggestions or something! Lol**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sasuke's Reason For Living (4)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own and I make no profit.**

**Thanx for the reviews Potter's Wifey and Vree! Sigh Even my Sis didn't review this time! Lol…**

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"Oh my God Sasuke!" Naruto squealed backing up against the wall, "You can't do that!"

Sasuke stared at his friend with as much of a cool expression as he could muster, "Why not?"

Naruto shiver, "Eeewwww…I just…no."

"No?!"

"No Sasuke." Naruto stated plainly.

"Come on Naruto you dobe, it's not gonna hurt or anything, it's just gonna be…fun."

Naruto pouted, "I don't wanna."

Sasuke began taking off his top, ignoring the blush that grew on his face. Naruto started laughing, he somehow found humour in the fact that Uchiha Sasuke was taking off his clothes in his living room.

"What's so funny Naruto?" Sasuke said attempting a seductive voice.

"You're a freak!" Naruto laughed so hard tears came to his eyes.

Trying to keep himself in the mood, Sasuke pressed himself up against Naruto so that they were chest to chest, crotch to crotch and then…ouch fist to face.

Naruto had swung out at Sasuke on reflex.

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled angrily clutching his nose, you promised you'd help me!"

"Yeah I did. But I didn't agree t have se…sex with you!"

"Just change into a girl…then everything will be fine." Sasuke grumbled, moving in again.

Naruto rubbed his temples furiously, "Sasuke it won't work."

"Just do it!" Sasuke growled, yanking Naruto's top off and then tugging at his trousers.

"…Harem no Jutsu!..." Naruto said with a wince as he felt his boxers being ripped off.

Both boys stood frozen. Well…Naruto looked like a girl, but Sasuke realised that down below was still boy bits.

"Naruto." Sasuke muttered irritably, his eyebrow twitch starting up again, "Your jutsu didn't work."

Naruto sighed, "Teme…I told you it wouldn't work…besides…what do you think those clouds are for with this jutsu? It's to hide the fact that…eh…um…well I don't really know what girl parts look like down there…" He finished with a violent blush.

Sasuke didn't take his eyes off Naruto's naked body though, which earned him another punch from the blonde. Sasuke bit his lip and willed his pervy thoughts to go away as Naruto grumpily put his clothes back on.

"You could have let me try it boy on boy…" Sasuke grumbled.

Naruto threw Sasuke a dirty look and then turned away, the blush still on his whiskered cheeks.

"In your dreams homo Uchiha!"

Sasuke hid the smirk that threatened to break across his face, for Naruto often appeared in the Uchiha's dreams…

"Oh shit!" Sasuke cursed as he caught sight of the clock, "It's time for my date with Sakura."

"Whatever."

"Come on dobe."

"What?" Naruto shouted.

"Just come." Sasuke replied, grinning as Naruto grudgingly followed him back onto the street.

"Oh Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cooed as the raven haired boy approached her. She then narrowed her eyes in confusion at Naruto who was not far behind.

"Sakura-chan–" Naruto began nervously.

"Sasuke…" Sakura whined in her elaborately special dress for their date, "Why is Naruto here?"

"Because." Sasuke stated blankly.

Sakura grumbled under her breath but took Sasuke's arm as the trio walked off to the Konoha Shopping District. Naruto tagged along behind the pair, pouting and sulking.

"Ooh isn't this a pretty dress!" Sakura squealed as she seized a bright pink garment from a stall and handed it to the Uchiha.

Sasuke eyed it boredly, "Yeah, it's okay."

Sakura picked up dress after dress, asking Sasuke for his opinion and ignoring Naruto's excessive compliments.

"Sakura…" Sasuke began in a hushed voice as Sakura added another girly dress to his arms. "No matter what you wear, you'll always be beautiful."

The kunoichi almost died in happy shock, "R-Really?"

Sasuke dumped the armload of clothes onto the fidgety Naruto and then he took Sakura's hands tenderly. Her eyes grew into large orb-like shapes of glimmering ecstasy.

"I think I love you Sakura…"

Sakura felt her legs go seriously wobbly as if she'd suddenly lost control of her body. She swayed somewhat and also fell to the ground were it not for Sasuke's cool way of catching her and lifting her closer to him.

"S-Sasuke…" Sakura breathed with difficulty as his bangs brushed against her reddened cheeks.

"I love you…" Sasuke repeated, "So…please…can we…have sex tonight?"

Everyone around this unfolding scene froze. The old lady with a smock dropped her bag and a cross dresser man's jaw fell so low it touched the ground and sent little sprays of dusk scattering around them.

Naruto slapped a hand onto his own face, "So totally tactless teme…"

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**TBC Review? D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sasuke's Reason For Living (5)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from Naruto.**

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Sakura flinched, "Wha-What did you say Sasuke?!"

Sasuke lowered his face close to hers, "I want you and me to have se–"

Naruto punched Sasuke in the gut and Sakura had slapped him. The nosey bystanders continued gawping with perverse interest. Sasuke growled stoically and turned away from them all. Things weren't going according to plan…

"Sasuke…" Sakura spoke, her voice laced with despair, "I've always loved you too…but never would I…never…never would I have thought you were capable of being such an insensitive jerk!"

Naruto laughed, "Sakura-chan! It took you this long to realise he was a jerk?"

Sakura shot him a death glare and then stormed off, leaving the Uchiha and Uzumaki under the glares of the strangers nearby.

"Dobe!" Sasuke hissed, "There wasn't any need for you to hit me too."

Naruto crossed his arms, "Tch!"

"I woulda hitcha too sonny!" An old lady snapped, "Kids these days, so rude!"

Sasuke and Naruto made their way back to Naruto's house as it was nearest. Naruto made them both a cup ramen and they sat in front of the tv, silence over them as they both were lost in their own thoughts.

"I don't think your going about it right…teme." Naruto suddenly mumbled.

Sasuke sharply sucked in a strand of ramen, "What was that, dobe?"

"I'm saying…" Naruto continued, "…You don't go round asking people for se…se….eww…_that thing_…"

Sasuke resumed eating his ramen, ignoring the dobe. He did not want advice from someone he'd spent most of his time looking down upon.

"Sasuke teme!" Naruto growled, "You're not meant to do _that thing _with just anybody. It's meant to be with someone you love and some one you want to be together with…forever and ever."

The Uchiha stared at Naruto for some time, half a noodle plastered to his stiffened jaw. He then realised it wasn't with Sakura he wanted to revive the Uchiha clan…but with–

"TEME!" Naruto yelled in irritation, "Stop staring at me like that! I heard all that stuff from TV…it's not like that's the way _I_ feel. I don't wanna have–do _that thing_."

"Naruto…" Sasuke whispered, "Naruto…dobe…I…"

The blonde fell backwards as Sasuke flung himself on top of him, breathing against his neck and clawing against his chest. Naruto's eyes widened in shock and he struggled ferociously, but Sasuke would not move.

"OH MY HOKAGE!" Naruto yelled, "SASUKE'S TRYING TO RAPE ME!"

Now…the thing is…Naruto's window was wide open as it was a relatively hot day. Also, at that precise moment good old Iruka sensei happened to be approaching, to deliver a freshly baked batch of swirly cupcakes to his favourite son-like student…

"DIE!" Was the only thing that came out of Iruka sensei's mouth as he nosedived in through the open window, wielding his box of cupcakes like a sword.

"I-Iruka sensei!" Naruto cried with relief, as Iruka seized the back of Sasuke's neck and heaved him off the blonde.

"I…" Sasuke tried to explain himself, but found that he could not.

"What in the love of Kami-Sama?!" Iruka snapped, shoving the box of goodies into Naruto's open arms.

"Sasuke…" Naruto started opening the box and retrieving a delightfully warm cake from it, "Sasuke was trying to show me that abdominal thrust thing…"

"Abdominal…Abdominal what?!" Iruka shouted, glaring at the sweaty, edgy looking Uchiha.

"It's…the Heimlich Manoeuvre…you know…I was choking…so…the teme saved me…"

Iruka turned to Sasuke, sparkles in his eyes and he gave the Uchiha a most ferocious hug, "Sasuke…oh I'm so sorry! Thank you so much for saving Naruto!"

Sasuke sweat dropped, "N-No problem…sensei…"

Eventually Iruka left and Naruto and Sasuke were alone once more…

"Teme." Naruto stated, "What the hell was that all about?"

Sasuke shrugged, "I've got to revive the Uchiha clan…I've got to no matter what…"

Naruto rolled his eyes and stuffed a cupcake in his mouth, "Welf don'th thwook at mwee. I ain' nwo gwirl."

Sasuke grinned and muttered under his breath, "No…not yet your not…"

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**Please leave a review, or Sasuke may lose an eyebrow! Lol joking…or am I…?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sasuke's Reason For Living (6)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from Naruto.**

**A/N The story goes on…

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Sasuke and Naruto stalked the streets of Konoha once more, the Uchiha lost in thought and the Kitsune irritated by the other's obsession of thinking.

"Uchiha babies…" Sasuke chanted under his breath, "What's the quickest way to make…Uchiha babies…"

Naruto sighed, "Teme. Quit thinking about _that thing_. You're starting to sound like Ero Sennin, Jiraiya!"

Sasuke cringed and turned to the blonde, "Don't put me in the same context as that old man dobe."

"Why not?" Naruto challenged, "You both seem to think non-stop about…se…_ that thing_! You'll probably even grow up to be exactly like him! But a gay black haired version!"

Sasuke shivered at the thought, "No dobe, if I would kill myself before it'd get anywhere near like that white haired wrinkle ass! So shut up."

"White haired wrinkle ass, eh?" A familiar voice murmured amusedly.

Sasuke and Naruto turned to see Kakashi standing there.

Kakashi laughed, "Now would that be he has white hair on his wrinkled ass? Or do you mean he has white hair in general and is extremely wrinkly, ass and all?"

Naruto gagged at the thought, "Kakashi sensei, you're planting horrible things in my fertile young brain!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched with agitation, "It was a figure of speech sensei…"

"Ah…well anyhow, I couldn't help overhear you two and it seems you haven't abandoned the desire to impregnate someone yet, Sasuke?" Kakashi said, pulling a string that was hanging off his waistband.

Sasuke frowned, "I have to revive the Uchiha clan…I will never abandon my responsibilities as the last Uchiha."

"Really?" Kakashi asked, tugging at the never ending piece of thread at his waistband.

"Never ever, Kakashi sensei. It is my duty." Sasuke snapped.

"Well…" Kakashi tugged hard at the string.

"Hey sensei." Naruto probed, "What are you doing?"

"Eh? Just getting rid of this loose string…" Kakashi replied.

There was a ping sound and Kakashi was left with a long thread in his hand. Kakashi's face turned into an expression of discomfort.

"Shit…" The Scarecrow gasped, "I think my thong snapped."

Naruto leaned closer curiously, "Sensei…what's a thong?"

Kakashi smiled, "Nothing…anyway, Sasuke stop the baby thing, it's unhealthy. Go kiss some people, the baby stuff comes years and years later. Bye!"

And with that he poofed away once more, the discarded string of mystery flitting to the floor. Naruto, curious of this thing, picked it up and sniffed it.

"Sasuke…do you know what a thong is?"

Sasuke snatched the string out of Naruto's hand, "Stop sniffing it! It's been wedged between Kakashi's butt cheeks!"

Naruto turned green and ran away screaming. Sasuke chased after him, the string still in his hand. The ground shook and Sasuke turned to realise thousands of Kakashi fan girls were running at him, saliva dripping from their perverted mouths.

"Give it to me!" One screeched.

"I want to hold it!" Another cried.

"I want to sniff it!"

"I want to use it as dental floss!" Someone else yelled with a passion.

Sasuke in shock lost his footing and tripped, the fan girls were quick to close in on him, their eyes vicious with Kakashi thong hunger. Naruto turned just in time to see them all snatching at the titbit of silken material, with Sasuke being crushed beneath it.

"Help me dobe!" Was the Uchiha's muffled cry.

Naruto racked his brains, Sasuke might die under that ten thousand ton heap of fan girls! He ran back towards the crowd and took a deep breath before screaming.

"That string has been between my butt cheeks too!"

The fan girls froze, one of them had succeeded in using the string as dental floss. She gagged and immediately died. The other girls gasped and backed away. Then screaming they all fled just as fast as they had come.

"Sasuke!" Naruto called out, "Teme! Where are you?"

"Why me…"

"Sasuke?"

"Why?! Why?!" Sasuke cried out, "All I wanted to do was train hard and kill Itachi! Now all I can do is restore the Uchiha clan…but I'm even failing that!"

Naruto bent down beside the irritated Uchiha, "Hey…are you having one of those things?"

"What?" Sasuke yelled angrily.

"A…um…mid life crisis?" Naruto said softly, "Because if you are…Iruka said the best thing for that kinda stuff would be to uh…be to…"

Sasuke watched as Naruto struggled with his own brain for the moment. He wished so badly that Naruto was a girl, then all his problems would be solved and maybe he could even be happy in life for once.

"Dobe…" Sasuke began, "I think I'm depressed…"

Naruto's eyes widened as if he knew what he meant, "…"

"I wanna kill myself right now." Sasuke wailed, "I don't have a reason to live other than this! I hate myself…kill me! Kill me now and let the fan boys fuck my corpse!"

Naruto fell backwards in disgust, "Stop saying weird things Sasuke!"

But the Uchiha continued, "Yes…yes…Naruto, let the fan boys cover my beautiful dead body in warm chocolate syrup, let them lick every inch of my body…let them push me, pull me, kiss me, scream Holy Shit Yes, into me!"

Naruto punched Sasuke hard, his own face red with embarrassment and anger, "How could you say such a thing teme!"

"…"

"I already told you…_that thing_…is to be done with someone you love and want to be with forever and ever, whilst you're alive! Not fucking dead!" Naruto shouted leaning closer to Sasuke, "It would be a horrible thing for you to die, so stop saying it!"

Sasuke leant forwards and pressed his lips against Naruto's. Naruto punched him again, his face increasing in redness.

"Naruto…"

The blonde turned away, "I'm not talking to you till you quit the freakishness! Good bye Homo Uchiha."

Sasuke was left sitting on the ground frowning and frustrated at his situation. He stood up and walked home, hardly taking in his surroundings and returned to his own apartment where he flopped onto his bed and closed his eyes.

"Sasuke…" An eerie voice whispered.

Sasuke's eyes flew open and he sat up to see that no one was in his room. He checked the rest of his apartment, but no one had intruded and he couldn't sense any levels of chakra.

"Uchiha Susan Gaylord Sasuke…." The voice wailed from behind him.

"Who's there?!" Sasuke demanded, spinning around to be faced with no one.

"…I am your sweet dear…wonderful…sexy…brother…Uchiha Isabelle Itachi…"

Sasuke turned seriously pale as if all his blood had drained out of his body and into the floor. "I-Itachi?!"

"Yes…dear little brother…I have come bearing a message…"

"What?! What is it?" Sasuke said panicking slightly, as he still couldn't see or sense anyone.

"You…want a reason for living?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your goal in life was to kill me…but now I am dead you only want to make Uchiha babies…dear brother…you are too young…"

"What's it to you asshole? I hate you! Leave me alone!" Sasuke shouted falling to his knees and attempting to cover his ears from the echoing sound of Itachi's voice.

"I want you…to grow stronger…and defeat…um…Rock Lee…and everyone else, except Naruto because he's gonna be Hokage, but yeah…forget the babies…just focus on training…oh little Sasuke…"

"Little…" Sasuke ran up to the window and peered outside, "NARUTO!"

Naruto was shocked that Sasuke had seen through his voice throwing imitation of Itachi and fell off the tree he was perched on. Sasuke reached out to catch him but didn't quite balance right and they both fell downwards into a thorn bush.

"ITAI!" Naruto yelped leaping out of the bush, "ITAIITAIIIII!!"

Sasuke grumbled and climbed out, glaring at the dancing dobe, "What the hell did you do that for?!"

"IT HURTS SASUKE!" Naruto yelled, waving his thorn stabbed bum at him.

"Just pull them out," Sasuke winced as he pulled some thorns out of his own leg, "Like this."

"I can't!" Naruto wailed, "It hurts, you do it!"

Sasuke sighed and bent over Naruto's butt, then he pulled the thorns out, one by one.

"ITAI!" Naruto screamed, "Sasuke it hurts! ITAI! Your doing it too slowly! Do it faster! ITAI! Sasuke! Faster!"

Hinata who just happened to be walking past glanced over in shock to see what she took as Sasuke attempting to hump Naruto…she gasped and fainted on the spot.

"There." Sasuke said discarding the last thorn, "Trust you to land on your ass."

"Shut up teme." Naruto grumbled, rubbing his sore spot tenderly.

"Anyway…if you ever pretend to be my stupid brother again, I will kill you!" Sasuke shouted.

"Fine! Fine…" Naruto hissed, "Just forget the baby thing! It's stupid."

"No it's not! I will do it! I'll…" Then Sasuke noticed Hinata lying unconscious on the floor and a naughty grin spread across his face.

**TBC

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**Eh hem… A/N I may be ending this fic soon as I'm running short on ideas…**

**Just letting you know. That way I can focus on my other fics.**

**Ja x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sasuke's Reason for Living (7)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from Naruto.**

**A/N We last saw Hinata fainting outside Sasuke's house as Sasuke plucked thorns out of Naruto's ass! Here is the continuation…

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**"Quick, help me carry Hinata into my house!" Sasuke hissed, lifting the unconscious Hyuuga up and dragging her across the pathway. 

Naruto stood shocked, "You are NOT doing that to Hinata chan!"

"Just help me carry her!" Sasuke grumbled impatiently, "I'm just gonna wake her up and make her some tea."

Naruto was suspicious, but helped open the door and settle her on the Uchiha's couch. Sasuke scurried off to the kitchen to boil some water whilst Naruto pulled up a chair and sat beside the unconscious girl.

"Hinata…" Naruto said softly, "Hinata chan…wake up."

Hinata flinched and opened her eyes, when she caught sight of Naruto leaning over her in such a concerned manner her cheeks blushed crimson. When she remembered what she had witnessed to make her pass out in the first place, it made her pass out again.

"Hinata…" Naruto grumbled in confusion, wondering if she had some sort of fainting illness.

"Hey dobe." Sasuke said cheerily, bring in a tray piled with hot beverages and snacks.

"Food!" Naruto said ecstatically leaping towards Sasuke, only to trip over and shove him backwards.

"FUCKIN' HOT!" Sasuke yelled, as the three cups of freshly boiled tea spilled all down his front. "OWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Oops…" Naruto murmured, taking the tray off him and surveying the now soggy biscuits and snacks with dismay.

"Naruto you IDIOT!" Sasuke yelled, pulling his top off which was soaked with hot sticky liquids that was burning his skin.

Hinata sat up shocked by the sudden loud noises. She witnessed Naruto standing curiously with a tray in his hand, nibbling an assortment of mush, whilst Sasuke screamed in pain and wrenched his t-shirt frantically over his head.

"Oh Hinwata yowar wake?" Naruto smiled with his mouth full, "You wanf fum cwake?"

Hinata shook her head politely as she watched Sasuke sit on the floor, the skin on his chest bright red with a painful burn. Nervously she approached the swearing Uchiha and offered him a small tub of mystical Hyuuga ointment.

"I-It will help." She said softly.

Sasuke reached out and took the tub, "Thanks…"

He opened the tub and soft menthol filtered through the room, he smoothed the cool cream all over his chest slowly, smiling as the pain seemed to stop and his skin began to fade from raw pink to its usual pale colour.

"No Hinata!" Naruto shouted, having swallowed the huge mouthful of snacks, "Don't watch him, he's trying to…to seduce you!"

Hinata's face burned and she turned away from him, "W-What?"

"He just wants to–"

Sasuke dived on the fox before he could finish the sentence and sat on his face, "Sorry Hinata…just ignore this dobe, he's eaten far too much sugar today."

"…" Hinata realised she's forgotten to breathe and sighed timidly.

Naruto wriggled underneath Sasuke, intensely angry that Sasuke's ass was right on top of his mouth.

"Thanks for the cream…" Sasuke said softly handing it back to her with one hand and stroking his chest with the other, "It means a lot."

"I-I'll…just be going then…" Hinata muttered, turning towards the door, preparing to run before she would pass out once more.

"Wait…Hinata…" Sasuke called after her, his voice suddenly like silk, "Please…stay a while. I'll make us all a drink and we can talk."

"I…"

Naruto had had enough and he clamped his jaws hard onto Sasuke's squishy bum. Sasuke yelped and leapt up as Naruto gasped for air, his face purple with irritation and lack of air.

"You idiot! What did you do that for?!" Naruto yelled.

"You bit me!" Sasuke growled.

"You sat on my face!"

"So!"

"Teme! You're sick!" Naruto grumbled, flopping himself onto the sofa, "Putting your bum in people's faces."

"It's not like I stuck my other side in your face." Sasuke argued.

"Other…side…" Hinata blushed.

"What other side?!" Naruto shouted, "Other…"

Then Naruto sort of realised what Sasuke was implying and he grew red like Hinata and fell silent for a moment. Hinata backed towards the door, when it opened from the other side.

"Hinata, what are you doing in this mongrel 's house?" Neji asked irritably from the doorway.

"I…" Hinata mumbled quietly, not quite sure of the answer herself.

"Mongrel?!" Sasuke snapped running over to smack Hinata's cousin for insulting him in his own home.

"Yes, mongrel!" Neji smirked, dodging his attack.

Hinata was forced back next to Naruto as a small scuffle evolved between Neji and Sasuke. Naruto pouted and turned away in disgust.

"Asshole!" Sasuke yelled seizing Neji's waistband and yanking it so he could throw Neji out of the window.

"Imbecile!" Neji retorted, seizing Sasuke's pants so that they appeared like a pair of skinny sumos in battle.

They tugged harder and harder as further insults left their mouths. Much to Naruto's amusement, the fighters voices began to go up a pitch after a while, it seemed that they had only succeeded in giving each other a vicious wedgie.

"The destiny of a mongrel…is to live and die a pathetic life…" Neji grumbled as his face flushed with discomfort.

"I make my own destiny…" Sasuke growled, sweat falling down his face and body, "So shut up!"

And with that, Sasuke pulled so hard on Neji's waistband that it caused Neji to let go of Sasuke and fall backwards writhing in pain.

"Haha!" Sasuke shouted victorious, "Let's see you try to walk with your ass cut in half!"

Hinta rushed to her cousin's side, automatically offering the tub of ointment on reflex. Neji simply rolled over in agony and shook his head.

"Hinata chan…" Sasuke suggested, "You can rub that on me if you want…"

Hinata blushed and almost passed out, as Neji swore and dragged her out of the building, his legs hunched in an awkward manner.

As soon as they were gone, Sasuke fell to the ground and tore his pants down a few inches, "OW that smarts."

Naruto continued laughing, he was laughing so hard, he practically couldn't breathe. Sasuke sighed and went off to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Naruto gasped in realisation of being alone… He went in search of Sasuke and eventually found him.

"Teme!" Naruto called, entering the bathroom.

Sasuke was naked, with his fingers up his ass…

"OH MY KAMI SAMA!" Naruto shrieked, turning and screaming as he fled the Uchiha house, his brain scarred forever.

"What?!" Sasuke shouted, slightly embarrassed. "…Stupid Dobe…"

Sasuke flung his pants on and chased after the blonde, catching up and grabbing him by the hand.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock, "EW! Don't touch me!"

Sasuke released him, "I was just putting cream on…"

"YOU ARE SICK!" Naruto hissed.

"It was just cream!" Sasuke protested, "Cause it hurt after…"

"I don't care! You should've have at least locked the door if you were doing something like that!"

"Interesting…"

"HUH?!" Sasuke and Naruto turned to see the silver haired sensei standing beside them.

"Very interesting…" Kakashi repeated, his eye skimming across the page of his Icha Icha."

"…"

Kakashi closed his book, "I've been hoping that you'd forget about the whole obsession with the…process…that you've been obsessed about recently…"

"…"

"However…" Kakashi continued calmly, "Since you seem adamant on having some…urm…pleasured events…I have only one choice…"

Sasuke and Naruto turned to each other nervously, not understanding anything their sensei was saying.

"I guess I have no choice but to send you to SOP Camp!" Kakashi said with a relish. Before forming some hand seals.

The next thing the two boys knew they were standing in a dense forest land, surrounded by nothing but the wilderness and a couple of tents.

"What the hell?!" Sasuke cried as Naruto twitched with stressed irritation.

A man came out of the tent and smiled devilishly, "Hello boys…welcome to SOP camp!"

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**URM…okay… review please!**


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